Babble.com did a recent survey of the top 15 scary children’s characters and I now I am terrified!
I forgot how scary some of these characters were! Why are kids watching this! What character use to frighten you as a child?
If anything on this whole planet epitomizes evil completely and entirely it is the Teletubbies. They were sent from another planet to hypnotize us and ultimately break down our morale. It’s working.
If the Teletubbies haunt your nightmares the sun baby can sour the brightest days. Seriously. I’m pretty sure the devil himself appears at 20 seconds into this video.
Creepy doll face on spider legs. ‘Nuff said.
Pink Elephants On Parade
If the dead-eyed dancing elephants during the Pink Elephants on Parade sequence in Dumbo didn’t end in you changing your Batman or Barbie underwear than you are made of stronger stuff than I. The only other scene in cinematic history that rivals this scared straight acid trip is Willy Wonka’s boat ride in the chocolate river.
Swiper The Fox
If you don’t believe me that Swiper is evil, just listen to Professor Dennis Quinn over at PopMatters who elaborates that he believes chanting “Swiper no swiping!” three times is not unlike an incantation repeated to ward off evil spirits. “He is an archetypal image of the diabolical fox-spirit in the history of religions. The words to ward him off are similar in pattern to spells or exorcistic formulae used to ward off evil spirits throughout history. And not only may children be learning how best to deal with the demonic, but they’re doing so in a very sophisticated way. For Dora does not completely cast out her demon, but rather allows for its redemption.” I don’t know about all that, but I do know that my Henry is pretty ambivalent about Swiper. Me? I think he’s wearing those gloves so he doesn’t leave DNA on your dead body.
Bozo The Clown
I got a little grief for including Bozo on 25 Scariest Characters from Your Childhood but I stand firm. He is clearly a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
This joker is yet another sad clown that needs to be put out of his misery. What’s so fun about a grown man wearing a bad wig, black eye make-up and way too much red lipstick?
Willy Wonka (Both of ‘Em)
People were also outraged that I dared call Willy Wonka terrifying. Are you kidding me? Maybe he’s not intentionally scary but he’s clearly a child-hating sadist who’s popped one too many acid tabs. Don’t agree? Turn your back on this guy and it’s your ass. If you want to die by some freak candy accident that’s on you man, that’s on you.
And don’t get me started on these guys. Let’s just say I’m no fan of anyone whose skin looks like the Tan Mom.
Okay, maybe after you watched the movie a million times and had it drilled into your brain that he was a good guy you might’ve been okay with him… But, come on. The dying scene? I was perched on the end table watching the movie through grandma’s afghan and it wasn’t because I was afraid of him dying.
Oscar The Grouch
Much like your grandfather, Oscar is grumpy and hairy and mad at everyone. Problem is, just like your grandpa, sometimes Oscar can go a little overboard with the antics and leave you crying for mommy.
He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. It’s a wonder more kids aren’t terrified of this giant, magic man who is stalking them throughout life.
An enormous rabbit prowling around your house at night leaving subpar candy? Get outta here!
It’s not uncommon for folks to be freaked by Fraggles yet it wasn’t the Fraggles that got me so much as the Gorgs. I mean, whoah. That’s a lotta muppet. Too much muppet for me.
Statler and Waldorf
Muppets are creepy. Don’t think so? Ever seen The Dark Crystal? Terrifying. When I was younger it was Statler and Waldorf that rattled my nerves in much the same way that Oscar The Grouch did. It was like they would jump through the TV at any moment an yell at me to clean my room.